A list of things that piss me off:
people in cinema’s that cough.
Things that really get my goat:
Faux Del Boy charm and fur coats,
A 60p Kinder Surprise
and people who call quaint chips “fries”,
or the people that call death a “demise”
and cheaply filled cut fine steak pies.
But what really gets my goat
more than fake Del Boy charm or fur coats
is the celebs in glossy magazines
who haven’t had fame since the 90’s.
Peter Andre, Kerry Katona,
silly, petty, whiny moaners.
Katie Price and Alex Reid,
sell their soul for glossy greed.
Other things that wind me up
are England in the World Cup.
These spoilt and fattened little sows
trot about then whine and pout
when the game just doesn’t go there way
they’re ungrateful shits with too much pay.
People who laugh at their own jokes
and zero sugar diet coke.
Pubs that charge above the rates
are another thing I really hate.
Seven quid for a vodka and coke?
Now that’s what really gets my goat.
Little kids with guns and knives
choosing a life of crime over houses and wives.
Little kids playing games
on their computers, not getting grass stains.
Sitting indoors and putting on weight
and chatting online to their chubby mates.
The jokes that pause for laughs on Friends
and trying to write when you can’t find a pen.
Getting a line from a song in your head all day
or the three lots of tax we’re expected to pay.
The fact nothing is free when we’re in a “free” world,
Tim Henman at Wimbledon, he plays worse than a girl.
All of these things really drive me nuts
as does the idea that all gays are sluts.
Black jokes from the 70’s on movies modern
and C.G.I fests like Werewolves and Gollum.
The Twilight movies, God, I just can’t bare to look.
The movie is terrible “But you must read the book!”
A film should be good in it’s bloody own right
without me reading the book for a week every night!
And Twilight, O, Twilight, thanks, thanks a lot
for putting on my T.V more vampiric rot.
This is a list of things that piss me off
so I won’t go to the cinema if you have a cough
or pay a whole 60p for a Kinder Surprise
or ever call the humblest of humble chips “fries”;
I won’t be at the Twilight film premiere
or reading glossy magazines pretending to care.
I won’t laugh at Americanised O.T.T Friends Jokes
or be drinking zero sugar cokes.
These things really get my goat,
faux Del Boy charm and fake fur coats.
Edward Cullen, lean and mean
on the cover of a magazine…