What Gets My Goat.

A list of things that piss me off:

people in cinema’s that cough.

Things that really get my goat:

Faux Del Boy charm and fur coats,

A 60p Kinder Surprise

and people who call quaint chips “fries”,

or the people that call death a “demise”

and cheaply filled cut fine steak pies.

But what really gets my goat

more than fake Del Boy charm or fur coats

is the celebs in glossy magazines

who haven’t had fame since the 90’s.

Peter Andre, Kerry Katona,

silly, petty, whiny moaners.

Katie Price and Alex Reid,

sell their soul for glossy greed.

Other things that wind me up

are England in the World Cup.

These spoilt and fattened little sows

trot about then whine and pout

when the game just doesn’t go there way

they’re ungrateful shits with too much pay.

People who laugh at their own jokes

and zero sugar diet coke.

Pubs that charge above the rates

are another thing I really hate.

Seven quid for a vodka and coke?

Now that’s what really gets my goat.

Little kids with guns and knives

choosing a life of crime over houses and wives.

Little kids playing games

on their computers, not getting grass stains.

Sitting indoors and putting on weight

and chatting online to their chubby mates.

The jokes that pause for laughs on Friends

and trying to write when you can’t find a pen.

Getting a line from a song in your head all day

or the three lots of tax we’re expected to pay.

The fact nothing is free when we’re in a “free” world,

Tim Henman at Wimbledon, he plays worse than a girl.

All of these things really drive me nuts

as does the idea that all gays are sluts.

Black jokes from the 70’s on movies modern

and C.G.I fests like Werewolves and Gollum.

The Twilight movies, God, I just can’t bare to look.

The movie is terrible “But you must read the book!”

A film should be good in it’s bloody own right

without me reading the book for a week every night!

And Twilight, O, Twilight, thanks, thanks a lot

for putting on my T.V more vampiric rot.

This is a list of things that piss me off

so I won’t go to the cinema if you have a cough

or pay a whole 60p for a Kinder Surprise

or ever call the humblest of humble chips “fries”;

I won’t be at the Twilight film premiere

or reading glossy magazines pretending to care.

I won’t laugh at Americanised O.T.T Friends Jokes

or be drinking zero sugar cokes.

These things really get my goat,

faux Del Boy charm and fake fur coats.

Edward Cullen, lean and mean

on the cover of a magazine…

Advertisements

2 responses to “What Gets My Goat.

  1. “A film should be good in it’s bloody own right
    without me reading the book for a week every night!
    And Twilight, O, Twilight, thanks, thanks a lot
    for putting on my T.V more vampiric rot.”

    oh, how i understand exacly what you feel!! Not a day passes by that I don’t lblame Stephanie Meyer (i think tht’s how you spell it…) and her Twilight book for something going wrong in my life.

    well done for putting it on paper (:

    xx

  2. Love it dude, and I agree with all of it bar the zero sugar cokes, sorry I’m an avid fan of those I’m afraid, but hey ho such is life 🙂

    Love the rhythm and pace of this, it speeds as it goes along, and as a reader it feels like your anticipating the exploding crash, fantastic. xx

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s