I am Lulu.

I am Lulu;

face like a sunflower out of Alice in Wonderland

and a body subjected to the wants of an electric razor.

I am Lulu.

I’m a demander of love,

constant and consistent,

every minute of every hour of every day

in your life belongs to me.

I have commandments.

I am your commander.

Thou shalt not talk to one another

while I am in the room

not getting the attention I crave and deserve.

Thou shalt not shout at me

for barking orders at you to stop.

Stop your talking and start your stroking of stomachs,

as well as the kissing of my face.

Thou shalt not stroke other pets –

particularly that bit of haggis Scottie that shares

my most prized domain which is the washing basket –

or compliment those pets that pass in the street

and brush against those feet

that are mine. That I own.

Thou shalt take me for walks daily

and feed me biscuits every time I come in

and out of the back garden,

for this is my Kingdom,

I’m the power and your owner

forever ’til I die

(in ten to twelve years time).

Amen.

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