The Wiz That Was a Pimp in Oz.

Dorothy was off to see the Wizard,

the wonderful wizard of Oz.

After a particularly difficult

and demanding time at the farm

at home, Dorothy had dreamt

of a new and exciting life.

No dog stealing bitches or

unappreciative family members,


this new life in an exotic far off land

was definitely for Dorothy.

Dorothy landed in a country,

strange yet spangly,

familiar yet foreign.

Small, squat sweet faces

were there to meet and greet her

and although they were

teeny, tiny, titchy little dwarves

their hearts seemed large

and inviting

as they invited her

to follow them down

the quaint

and charming




It was winding and curly;

a stray pubic hair

leading to cock.

Doe eyed Dorothy didn’t know

what was to become of her

as they all linked arms, skipping with joy.

Passing picturesque scenery

Dorothy become acutely aware

of the skips increasing in haste

and there being no time to waste.

The munchkin’s broke into a run

as the greenery became bare, bald

and bristling with thorns

as the munchkins dug theirs into the arms

of their innocent new visitor.

Dear Dorothy could only wonder

what had happened to this dark

and dingy place.

Beneath her shoes the road ran red

and neon signs for titty bars

could be seen from every

periphery of her eye.

“We certainly aren’t in Kansas anymore Toto.”

said Dorothy to the dog

who was whimpering, with a needle sticking out of his paw.

Lifting Toto and removing

the AIDs ridden needle, Dorothy was led

into a dark, dirty room

where she was gang raped repeatedly

by smutty, salacious

and insatiable munchkins

while Toto took a hit from the hip

crack dealing pimp, Mr. Wiz.

“You are nothing but a phoney!”

sobbed Dorothy to the wired wizard

who was too high to dish out

the typical Pimp beat down.

Instead he smiled sweetly and told her:

“You have it inside yourself

to leave here; you always have.

All you have to do is pay off the debt

you owe me for buying you off Aunty Em.

Oooh, lets say twenty munchkins a day

for twenty years will just about cover it.”

With that he waved his magic wand at her

and sprayed wet, white confetti

in her face.

With a “AH, AH, ALAKAZAM!”

he zipped his pants and left.

Dorothy held the doped up dog

and said “I want to go home.”

It was then that a beautiful blonde

burst into the room with a bedazzling smile.

Introducing herself as the good witch

(if Dorothy did as she was told)

the woman gave Dorothy some sparkly,

spangly, shiny, rose red shoes

and cut the length of her dress

so you could almost see her breakfast.

“Please, I want to go home.” whispered Dorothy

which gave the witch much amusement.

She beamed a bedazzling smile

and said “Just click your heels five times

when the customers come in

and go back to your home.

Go anywhere in your head but here.

Go on, try it.”

Dorothy in her naivete nodded,

nudged her knees together and:

Click! Click! Click!

went the shoes.

Dorothy awoke back at home in her bed,

bewildered at the concerned face above her.

She asked “Aunty Em, is that you?”

“Yes my dear, who else would it be?

I’m sorry, Dorothy,

I’m afraid our farm of crystal meth

and weed caused a small fire

that knocked you out…

what with you not being a user and all.”

Aunty Em paused, pensively,

“Say, Dorothy,

what did you think to that hit anyhow?

I can give you family rate

like I do your uncles.”

“No! Aunty Em, No!” shouted Dorothy

“I won’t ever do drugs again!”


3 responses to “The Wiz That Was a Pimp in Oz.

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